Can Someone Tell Me How to Grieve, because I am at a Loss Here!

A few months ago it was the death of Ed. Bradly and this time it was the statement "I can't imagining living in a world that he does not exist," coupled with my grandma's "failing" health (actually she's fine, but thinks she is falling apart.) These are all triggers. I start leaking tears at night or actually anytime. No noise just tears. I have even realized that I am taking on physical systems, such as very temporary carpal tunnel and other inflamatory symptons that lead me to believe that I getting a flu, but it's not. The day before the buriel, I literally couldn't move. I had a high fever, my wrists hurt soo bad that I couldn't use my hands.
I am still in shock. I have even come close to calling him. He's got to be there! But he's not. My mind is stuck on that moment of death. I can't remember him before the cancer and the weightloss. I just remember the look of death. How do I do this? How am I supposed to grieve? No on will let me! Please don't ask me what's wrong, because if you don't already know, then the answer will be "nothing, I'm okay."